A man, a book and a ship

Last night I left behind a sleeping baby and tired husband and drove the Autobahn south, to Cologne. I walked along the Rhine until I found the MS RheinEnergie/Literaturschiff at the KD Anleger, refulgent against the dark river.

IMG_20150317_202002In its belly waited a bearded word-smith, quickly signing away at a desk filled with books.


The Literaturschiff was continuously flooded with guests until, shortly after 9 pm., the ship left shore and the excited susurrus swelled. As Patrick Rothfuss, of Kingkiller Chronicles fame, took the stage, one could find grinning faces all around, it was finally happening: the author was in Germany, in Cologne, and about to read excerpts from his latest novella, “the Slow Regard of Silent Things”. Joining him was ChrisTine Urspruch, whose gentle reading of Auri, Rothfuss’ pixie-esque trickster, was truly endearing, enchanting the audience as much as Rothfuss himself.

Joined by Denis Scheck for a question-and-answers session he spoke of growing up around books

“not literature”

his love for language

“I really admire Chaucer”

and especially for the Fantasy genre

“why can’t we do [what Chaucer does], but – with dragons!”

His disbelief was tangible when Rothfuss questioned why only “the tragic movies where people die” get all the Oscars, not the comic ones, referring to the late Terry Pratchett and his humorous genius.

It was a whirlwind of a night for a fan who wouldn’t have dreamed seeing “his wordship” in the flesh was possible. The pleasure was only slightly disturbed by Schecks impressive endeavor of trying to translate as much of Rothfuss’ detailed answers as possible. After the event, Rothfuss stayed until every one who so wished could take home a signed copy of one or several of his books, even if it took him until 1:30 am to do so.


Sadly, the organisers managed to utter two conflictive pieces of information concerning where the actual signing session would take place, leading to much confusion and chaos for the fans – and for this one to suddenly find herself in the last third of the oh-so-long queue of waiting book-carriers.

Still, it was worth it, just for being able to simply say

Thank you for writing

and, though having signed for such a long time, seeing a content twinkle in those tired eyes above the beard, which itself seemed to say

it was worth it

The Slow Regard of Silent Things

This book has been lying around here since late October 2014, and I hadn’t had a chance to read it yet, because you know!

But now I’ve finally read it, which didn’t take all that long since it’s a 176-page novella, and I’m so glad I did.



I’ve been a fan of Patrick Rothfuss’ King Killer Chronicle books for a couple of years now. Not only are they deliciously written, the story and its hero is unique. Kvothe is a brilliant arcanist, but he is flawed and down-to-his-bones human. Book one alone warrants a post of its own, which I can’t deliver right now. Let’s leave it at: best fantasy I’ve read in a long while and definitely worth being mentioned in the same sentence as Tolkien.

“The Slow Regard of Silent Things” is not, and Rothfuss will be the first to tell you, the long awaited third part of his trilogy, but rather a short glimpse into the world of one of his characters, Auri.

On his blog – and in the book’s foreword – Rothfuss warns the potential reader that the book might not be for everyone:

You might not want to buy this book.

I know, that’s not the sort of thing an author is supposed to say. The marketing people aren’t going to like this. My editor is going to have a fit. But I’d rather be honest with you right out of the gate.

First, if you haven’t read my other books, you don’t want to start here.

My first two books are The Name of the Wind and The Wise Man’s Fear. If you’re curious to try my writing, start there. They’re the best introduction to my world. This book deals with Auri, one of the characters from that series. Without the context of those books, you’re probably going to feel pretty lost.

Second, even if you have read my other books, I think it’s only fair to warn you that this is a bit of a strange story. I don’t go in for spoilers, but suffice to say that this one is … different. It doesn’t do a lot of the things a classic story is supposed to do. And if you’re looking for a continuation of Kvothe’s storyline, you’re not going to find it here.

On the other hand, if you’d like to learn more about Auri, this story has a lot to offer. If you love words and mysteries and secrets. If you’re curious about the Underthing and alchemy. If you want to know more about the hidden turnings of my world…

Well, then this book might be for you.

Even though this is certainly a weird book, having only one character, neither storyline nor dialogue, I immensely enjoyed reading it.

When you’re hungry, sometimes you wolf down fast-food. You might even enjoy it, but you’ll be hungry again soon. And it’s not healthy.

Other times, you need a dark piece of chocolate, one you let dissolve in your mouth for minutes, that tastes oh-so-good.

This novella is like said piece of chocolate. Reading it is pure bliss for bibliophiles.

Rothfuss had to take some sh** for it, being blamed that he “only did it for the money” and shouln’t have written it, because “Hell, where is part 3? You OWE me part 3, and you waste your time on this?”. These accusations are rather ridiculous. Aside from no author “owing” their reader more books, accusing Rothfuss of being greedy is just wrong. Anyone who has a mind to can check out his blog and see just how much of his time and effort are directed at “Worldbuilders“, his charity. I don’t think that many other authors “who made it” spend so much of their time working towards helping others. More than once, reading his posts has warmed my heart, sappy as it sounds.

Sure, you could say that as writing is his dayjob, he should be so good at it that he’s believable, but reading posts like this leave me thinking that I could do more, myself:

I don’t want to get all heavy here in the middle of my charity post. But I’ll be honest with y’all. These last couple weeks have been hard for me. Sometimes it just feels like everything in the world is spiraling into shit. Politicians are awful. Corporations are worse. Our justice system seems to be irrevocably fucked. Cash register receipts are giving us cancer and the oceans are poisoned with our plastics.

There’s just so much of it, all the time, and I can’t fix it. All this shit is so wrong and it’s just so fucking *big* and I can’t do anything about it.

There is a word: “Weltschmerz.” I’ve heard it defined as “the despair we feel when the world that is, is not the world we wish it would be.”

I feel this way all the time. I am so endlessly angry and disappointed in the world. If people really understood how constantly, incessantly furious I am, nobody would ever dare come within arm’s reach of me.

That’s why I run Worldbuilders. Because the world isn’t what I want it to be. And I can’t fix it all, but if I don’t do something I’ll either start drinking or simply rage until there’s nothing left of me but ashes.

I can’t fix it all. But I can do this.

Lugazi Dioces Heifer Project (21-0616-01)

(Imagine obviously owned by Patrick Rothfuss and taken from his blog)

There. That’s what I’m about. That little guy is so fucking excited because he has clean water to drink.  That I can do.

At the risk of letting this post get even longer, here’s another snippet from his blog, where you can see that even the little Rothfuss knows what it’s about:

A couple days ago, Sarah made the questionable choice of reading an entire toy catalog to Oot. He showed it to me when I came home, all excited. He had circled about twenty things in it with a red pen, and explained each of them to me. There were two marble mazes. A laser game. A skeleton with removable organs. A fossil kit….

Score one for rampant consumerism.

Later on, he came into my office, clutching the magazine. He started to explain the items to me again, focusing especially on the little terrarium that is supposed to grow plants that look like brains and eyeballs, as well as carnivorous plants (A pitcher plant, I’m guessing from the illustration) and a plant that moves (A sensitive fern.)

“I remember these,” I said, interrupting him gently. “You showed this to me last night.”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “But I was just thinking that you could order all of these on your computer. Not all at once,” he said quickly. “You could do some e-mail. Then order one. Then do some more e-mail. And then order one.”

It breaks my heart that he knows how busy I am. That he feels like he has to fit himself in between my e-mails. I’ve been neglecting him during the fundraiser. today I kissed a llama more than I kissed him. That’s wrong. I’m going to start making that up to him starting tomorrow.

“Those are pretty cool,” I said to him, then added. “Did you know that some families don’t have very much money? There are some families that are so poor that the parents can’t afford to buy any toys at all for their children for Christmas?”

I was going to lead him down the garden path. Explain the concept of something like “Toys for Tots” to him. Make a plan with him about how we could go out together and buy toys for other families.

But he didn’t even give me the chance. He started chattering on almost as soon as I’d finished. “Oh,” he said. “Well if you could buy this one thing for me,” he pointed to the terrarium. “Then we could give all of those other toys to other kids.”

That was it. There was no hesitation. He didn’t have to think it through. I could see his face when I explained that some kids didn’t have toys. It was confusing to him. His is expression said the five-year-old equivalent of “Some kids have no toys? Seriously? What the Actual Fuck?”

So they should get all these other things. He was fine with just one present.

He’s my sweet boy. He’s good. That’s the moral of the story here. He gets it. It’s just sharing. It’s simple.

That is how you raise your kids, people.

The end.

Solinger Jugendkulturfestival 2013 – Patrick Salmen, oder: die Späten bestraft das Leben!

Bei einem Mittagessen im Nordstadt Café kam mir dieser Flyer in die Hände:

2013-06-25 12.25.50

Hurra, dachte ich, Patrick Salmen kommt wieder in seine alte Heimat!

Ich wollte mir nicht von 18:00 bis 22:00 Uhr am Rathausplatz die Beine in den Bauch stehen und horchte also nach, wann in etwa der Auftritt sei. “Gegen 20:00 Uhr” hieß es – also trafen wir erst um kurz vor acht ein, um festzustellen: Salmen war schon in vollem Gange, hatte er doch schon um halb 8 gestartet.

Mist, wie Bernd das Brot sagt.


Wir bekamen also nur noch die letzten, knapp 10 Minuten mit. Und fragten uns: wo sind die ganzen Jugendlichen? Der Altersdurchschnitt im Publikum lag bei Mitte 20; ich hatte eigentlich eine strahlende Horde weiblicher Teenies erwartet, die sehnsüchtig den bärtigen Mann anstarren.

Ich selbst habe zwischen 15 und 18 jedes Jugendkulturfestival besucht und wäre total froh gewesen, mir einen deutschen Poetry-Slam Meister ansehen zu dürfen – darf man hier so eine alte Phrase wie “Was ist los mit der Jugend von heute?” verwenden?

Gab es eine große Konkurrenzveranstaltung? Ist das Marketing gescheitert?

Die, die da waren hatten jedenfalls viel Spaß – hoffen wir, dass der Axtträger uns bald noch mal besucht – und den Teens eine zweite Chance gibt.


Euphorie! Euphorie! Patrick Salmen liest im Waldmeister, Solingen

“NRW-Vizemeister” und “deutschsprachiger Meister” im Poetry-Slam, Poet und Buchautor, Workshopleiter im kreativen Schreiben- Patrick Salmen muss eine große Visitenkarte haben.

Gestern Abend hat er sich in seine alte Heimatstadt begeben, in der er im mit Stuhlreihen gefütterten “Waldmeister” sehnsüchtig erwartet wurde. Rappelvoll war es und ein recht aufgeregtes Summen lag in der Luft, während auf den jungen Bartträger gewartet wurde.

Dieser sprang dann auch bald auf die Bühne und begann seinen “Soundcheck”, stellte fest, dass er zu hören war, verließ die Bühne, um Sekunden später wieder grinsend hinauf zu laufen, diesmal unter tosendem Applaus.

“Bart und Stimme” fasst Patrick Salmen auf den ersten Blick am offensichtlichsten zusammen.

Ersteres liegt auf der Hand, ist Salmen doch nach eigener Aussage nie ohne Gesichtsbehaarung unterwegs und unterrichtet Skeptiker gern über die Vorzüge von Bartstopppeln- auch auf großer Bühne.

Dabei kommt er so überzeugend rüber, dass eine große deutsche Herrenzeitschrift ihm schon eine Kolumne zum Thema angeboten hat, die Salmen allerdings ablehnte.

Zweites bannt einen, sobald der Slammer den Mund aufmacht und seine überraschend tiefe Stimme freilässt, wie der Dompteur seinen Tiger in die Manege schickt.

Als Poet ist er deutschlandweit dafür bekannt, Wortwelten zu erschaffen, die Alliterationen aneinander aufzureihen, dem Alltäglichen den Alltag zu entfernen und kleine Erstaunlichkeiten übrig zu lassen. Er schreibt mit einer Leichtigkeit über zwischenmenschliche Sternstunden (“Nordwind”), die fernab von Schnulz sind und in jedem Deutschunterricht vorkommen sollten um zu zeigen, wie unprätentiös schön unsere Sprache sich anhören kann.

Wer als Deutscher über Dinge wie Liebe reden kann, ohne sich wie Florian Silbereisen anzuhören, hat schon gewonnen.

Beim Liveauftritt zeigt Salmen, dass er noch mehr kann.

Mit offenkundigem Spass gewährt er Einblicke in seine Solinger Kindheit, erzählt vom harten Gräfrather Pflaster, auf dem er sich boxershortstragend in der “Smiley-Gang” beweisen musste.

Von dem noch härteren Publikum, das ihn dieses Jahr auf dem Wacken empfing und in seine muskelbepackten, behaarten, tättowierten Arme schloss.

copyright: Patrick Salmen, via Facebook

Aber auch gern von Erfahrungen mit Damen im besten Alter, die ihre manikürten Hände dafür nutzen, bei QVC zu arbeiten. Ein Karriereweg, der Salmen selbst nächstes Jahr vielleicht auch schon offensteht, nachdem er im Frühjahr dort sein Verkaufstalent unter Beweis stellen darf. Am liebsten würde er für achtteilige Messersets werben, mit denen kennt er sich schon gut aus.

Als Solinger sind ihm Schneidwaren sowieso sympathisch, ist doch seiner Meinung nach “Ich habe eine Axt” einer der versatilsten Sätze der deutschen Sprache.

Wer mehr von Patrick Salmens Wortakrobatiken erleben möchte, sollte sich unbeding am 19. September in die Börse in Wuppertal begeben. Dort wird er mit Torsten Sträter mit dem gemeinsamen Programm “Als eine Kuh des Weges kam, fragte es die anderen Pferde…” auftreten.

Und vielleicht auch eine Axt im Gepäck haben.


“The Uncommon Reader”

One day the Queen notices a travelling library car that is parked behind the kitchen. She feels the only polite thing to do would be to borrow a book, even though she usually doesn’t read. Then the surprise: she enjoys it!

Bennett takes the reader on an enjoyable journey through literature, as the Queen gets more and more drawn into the world of books as her people and personal adviser get more and more worried.

After all, reading? What an indecent thing to do!

“The Uncommon Reader” is filled with little truths and humorous insights into the human mind and behaviour, recommendable!